Numbness and Disconnection as Protection

I’ve been noticing something that happens during my meditation practice lately, and it’s something that I think has always been there, but the noticing is new and different.

Sometimes, when I am feeling tense or tightness in my body, I meditate and just check in with my body. There are some parts of my body where I feel numbness or disconnection, and one of those areas is my heart. So when I checked in my with my heart last night, I sensed for the first time a feeling that there was a protective armor or shell around it.

Almost immediately, my thoughts distracted me with ideas about things I could and would want to be *doing* instead. I’m very certain there were some great ideas in there, so it was a struggle to let them go and be okay if those thoughts (which seemed so important in the moment) never came back.

What I’m starting to realize is that when I tune into parts of my body that are tender or strongly protected (often both), my thoughts are protective distractions. And the distractions that are the most effective mental rabbit holes are when I start brainstorming ideas.

So now what? I will continue to practice checking in with my body, notice when I get distracted, and acknowledge my mental protections when they show up. And it is my hope that one day, I will be able to hold space for myself so that whatever feels vulnerable won’t need protection, but rather, can fully show up so I can work through whatever needs healing.

All in all, I’m grateful for the lessons my body is teaching me.

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